Unbefitting a Lady Page 8

  ‘Perhaps I should go with him,’ Phaedra offered. He would not let her get away so easily.

  ‘No, let him do this. We all had to start somewhere. We can’t build his confidence if we don’t give him any.’ But Bram kept a careful eye on Bevins and Warbourne until they were out of range. It wouldn’t do for him to be wrong now. He’d made headway with Phaedra and the colt today.

  ‘Thank you for your assistance. I wouldn’t have pushed him,’ she said as Bevins disappeared from sight.

  ‘It wouldn’t have been a wrong choice, just a different one.’

  Phaedra nodded. ‘Bits and saddles aren’t unfamiliar to Warbourne. He knows them, he’s been down this path before. He doesn’t need to be tamed as much as he needs to be trained. I am trying to balance the concepts. He’s not a wild horse, but a high-spirited one and one that people have not worked with in the right way.’ She shot a look at the discarded bit lying on the railing. ‘Too many trainers would have opted for the stronger bit. Why didn’t you?’

  ‘My experience has shown me a stronger bit creates all nature of problems—steering difficulties later on if the horse learns to run through the bit, health problems like dry mouth.’ Bram didn’t let her get another word in. With Bevins gone, he could turn his attention to other issues. He was done with horses for the moment. He stopped her at the entrance with a gentle grip on her arm. ‘We have unfinished business, Phaedra. I am waiting for your answer.’

  I have signalled my availability and you’ve responded with your willingness. Phaedra could not pretend he meant anything else, not with those blue eyes lingering on her lips in the most suggestive of ways. But what to say? Should she take his invitation and satisfy her curiosity or should she say no, the answer she’d been raised to give?

  He tipped her chin up, the pad of his thumb stroking her bottom lip, his voice a sensual murmur at her ear. ‘I can show you pleasure beyond your wildest imaginings, Phaedra.’

  He kissed her then, a long slow kiss that caressed her mouth and warmed her body. But it was his hands that nearly sent her over the edge. He raised her arms over her head and held them there, shackled in the grip of one strong hand against the wall, her body deliciously exposed to the long muscled length of him. His other hand was at her breast, kneading, arousing through the cloth of her shirt.

  His body pressed lightly against hers and she revelled in the strength of him, the power and prowess of him, as he moved against her ever so provocatively. Her body clamoured for more, ached for it with an intensity that drove all other cares to the far reaches of her mind. She would have been his entirely in that moment, all good reason abandoned, if he had not released her.

  ‘Do you believe me, Phaedra?’ he whispered in husky tones.

  Pleasure beyond her wildest imaginings. Phaedra nodded, her legs barely able to keep her upright. She was thankful for the wall at her back.

  ‘Come to me when you’re ready.’ Bram stepped out into the stable yard, the evening dusk already swallowing him up. ‘Come soon.’

  Phaedra leaned into the wall, and expelled a deep breath. What had just happened? The question was hardly worth asking. She knew what had happened. She had just given him her answer without saying a word.

  Chapter Nine

  An affair with the head groom. Was that what she wanted? Phaedra leaned against the rails of the paddock, watching the horses nip and play. She couldn’t tolerate going inside yet when there was a chance she’d run into him. She was no coward but facing Bram after their last encounter seemed the height of awkwardness. What did one say to a person who’d just propositioned them? And whom she’d rather implicitly accepted.

  There was no pretending she wasn’t interested. In many ways, Bram was the perfect antidote— handsome, willing and more than able to translate his promises into actions. Those actions would be irrevocable and they would not be without consequences. It wasn’t the social consequence she was worried about. There would only be those if she got caught and she didn’t plan to. It was the emotional.

  Could she stay detached enough to let him go if she pursued the flirtation to its ultimate conclusion? It would be too easy to fall in love with Bram. There were lots of reasons to, reasons that surprisingly went beyond the physical.

  She’d liked talking to him that night in the stables. He understood her. Unlike Giles, he had not merely ignored or glossed over her idea of racing Warbourne at Epsom and he’d seemed genuinely intrigued about the horse trailer others had laughingly called Phaedra’s Folly. He was good with horses. She’d been suitably impressed when he’d chosen the snaffle bit the other day. Those reasons, coupled with the fact that he roused her with a single touch, a gentle stroke of his hand against her cheek, and challenged her in ways no one ever had with his honest addressing of passion, made him exciting. More than that, the combination made him irresistible.

  Was it really so wrong? Convention was rankly against accepting such an offer but her curiosity was not. Phaedra simply had to decide what she wanted. Did she want a few stolen hours of pleasure from a man who would be moving on once Tom Anderson took back the reins of command? The very idea was scandalous and delicious all at once. Phaedra shivered at the thought. If she let this opportunity slip away, where would she ever find a man like him again?

  And yet she was a product of her breeding. All of her life, she’d been taught to reject an offer such as his. It was hard to thwart the teachings of childhood.

  Not for the first time, Phaedra wished there was someone she could talk to. Usually, she’d take her concerns to Kate but Kate was gone now and she was on her own. That left Giles. Phaedra could hardly imagine discussing this with her brother. ‘Giles, I’m considering taking a lover and he’s the head groom.’ Even the words sounded wicked when she thought them in her head.

  Giles would side with convention because he was a man of honour, but Phaedra was certain Kate would not. Kate had been no shy virgin when it came to men. She was missing her sister more than ever. What would Kate make of the handsome horse handler whose every kiss conjured up a penchant for sin? She knew what Aunt Wilhelmina would make of him. There’d be no sympathetic advice from that quarter.

  Phaedra watched the horses nipping at one another, playing, flirting. It would be easier to be a horse. Phaedra wished she understood men as well as she understood horses.

  Across the field, a slender figure came into view leading Makepeace, the even-tempered grey gelding from the general string. His leg must be better. The figure waved and Phaedra waved back. It was Alicia, Jamie’s widow. An idea came to her. Maybe she did know someone who could help her. After all, Alicia had married her brother. Jamie had courted her; they’d fallen in love against the tempestuous backdrop of a war. Surely she knew something of men.

  ‘Is this your idea of riding?’ Phaedra teased good-naturedly as she strode towards Alicia. ‘You’re supposed to be on the horse.’ Phaedra took the reins from the petite blonde. It had been something of a surprise to discover Jamie had married a woman who didn’t ride. Phaedra had always imagined her brothers marrying avid equestrians like themselves. But neither Giles nor Jamie had been inclined that way. Instead they’d both chosen vicars’ daughters.

  ‘Did you have a good outing?’ Phaedra asked, trying to make small talk before launching into her preferred topic of discussion. She didn’t know Alicia very well and the family had not encouraged familiarity. Perhaps Alicia would think it odd that she’d suddenly sought her out now.

  Alicia smiled a soft, happy smile that lit her face. ‘I did. I returned some mending to Mr Everett and we shared a cup of tea. He’s a kind man.’ Her gaze darted away and her next words rushed out as if she’d said too much and was anxious to cover them up with explanations. ‘I think Mr Everett understands how seldom a mother with a baby gets out. I enjoyed the chance to talk with another adult.’

  But the light blush tingeing Alicia’s cheeks suggested there was more to it than that. Phaedra tipped her head to peer at Alicia, sensing there w
as more left unsaid. ‘Of course you did. It’s perfectly understandable. It must get lonely in the Dower House.’ Mr Everett, the estate manager, was a nice man. He’d lived at Castonbury his whole life and had taken over from his father. But Phaedra sensed the ‘nice’ she associated with Mr Everett was not the same sort of ‘kind’ Alicia perceived. It was almost as if she liked him in a manner that transcended an acquaintance. Or, Phaedra thought, she was imagining things simply because Bram had stirred up all nature of crazy sensations.

  ‘I hear you have a new colt in the stables.’ Alicia turned the conversation away from herself. ‘And a new groom to help out Tom Anderson. I caught a glimpse of him when I came for Makepeace today. In fact, he was the one who recommended the gelding.’

  Phaedra nodded. Alicia had given her the perfect conversational offering, but how to start? ‘Mr Basingstoke has made himself quite useful. He’s been exercising Jamie’s horse, much to the relief of the stable boys.’ Phaedra laughed a little here but Alicia gave her a vague smile, uncertain of the humour. Phaedra had hoped talking about Jamie would open up the conversation. It looked like she’d have to try harder.

  ‘Merlin’s a handful. Jamie was the only who could ride him. He wouldn’t tolerate anyone, not even Edward or Giles. Did you ever see Jamie ride?’

  Alicia shook her head, her pale blue eyes suddenly sad. ‘Only at a distance.’ She put a gloved hand on Phaedra’s arm. ‘I am sorry, my dear. You all have counted on me to bring you precious memories of Jamie and I have failed you miserably. We were together such a short time and our courtship was a wartime whirlwind. For better or for worse, we didn’t know each other well in the sense that we didn’t know each other’s histories, our likes and dislikes. I could no more tell you his favourite colour than you could tell me mine.’ She had one of those expressive faces that showed every genuine feeling. There could be no doubt she felt her regret deeply.

  ‘What made you fall in love with my brother?’

  Alicia looked out over the fields, thinking, perhaps remembering. Phaedra hoped she hadn’t conjured up too much sadness. Perhaps it was still too painful for her to talk of Jamie. ‘We met at a dinner party,’ Alicia said after a while. ‘I think it was his laugh, his smile, the way it didn’t stop at his mouth but went all the way to his eyes. He understood himself. There was a confidence about him because he didn’t take himself too seriously. Duke’s son or not, he understood he was a man like any other when it came right down to it.’

  That sounded like her brother—confident and laughing. It was good to know her memories were intact, that she hadn’t made up a person to fit her fading recollections.

  ‘Around here, everyone has known everyone all their lives and their families’ lives,’ Phaedra ventured. ‘We don’t marry for smiles or laughter. We marry because we know each other’s histories and place. There aren’t a lot of secrets between a couple.’

  ‘Like Giles and Lily?’ Alicia said kindly.

  ‘Yes, like Giles and Lily, although the match wasn’t planned and they certainly hadn’t spent their lives falling in love with each other. I don’t think Lily liked Giles very much at all until now. But they knew each other.’

  ‘I think there must be a great comfort in that.’ Alicia sighed. Was that wistfulness she heard?

  ‘Or great boredom,’ Phaedra said, thinking of Bram and how he didn’t fit the conventional standard. She had no idea where he’d come from, what place he called home. Was that part of his novelty? The idea that he was new?

  Alicia laughed. ‘Boredom is underrated, Phaedra. Many a good woman has been led astray by the promise of something exciting and new.’

  Like Aunt Claire’s first marriage, Phaedra thought instantly. Aunt Claire had married away from Castonbury and that had been a disaster. She hadn’t known her husband well at all. As a result, she had fallen victim to his good looks and smooth charm, a cautionary tale against falling in love with a stranger. Better to marry as Giles was doing and taking a mate who’d shared your life and your land.

  ‘Jamie was exciting and new,’ Phaedra argued. ‘He would have taken care of you. There would have been no risk.’

  ‘You’re wrong. There has been tremendous risk. He died, Phaedra, and now my life is in limbo. People doubt me, doubt that I am who I say I am. And truly, I don’t know what will become of me or my son if I am not believed.’ It was the first time Phaedra had ever heard Alicia break from her quiet calm. She was always so composed. Not even Giles’s questioning had ruffled her when she’d first arrived.

  Phaedra’s heart went out to her. Whatever suspicion surrounded Alicia, it could not be doubted that she suffered. It was there in her blue eyes, that constant shadow of sadness or perhaps despair. Phaedra had not fully realised until that moment how precarious Alicia’s situation was.

  Since her arrival in the fall, Alicia had been part of the problem, part of the devastating tragedy that had haunted the Montagues: two sons dead, one of them the heir. And her, a woman the family had no knowledge of, Jamie’s widow and mother of his son, who would become the future duke. All of them, herself included, had treated Alicia as if she was the calamity, a woman not to be trusted. Somehow Alicia’s claims had made her the enemy.

  But today, Phaedra began to see a new depth to the dangers and risks from Alicia’s point of view. By her own admission, she’d married a man she hadn’t known well. She’d known even less about his family and still she’d come. Alicia was brave, just as Kate was brave to sail off into the unknown. But Kate had Virgil by her side and once Alicia must have counted on having Jamie to help her navigate the new world facing her as his wife. Without Jamie, the world must have seemed bleak indeed.

  Beside her, Alicia took a deep breath and regained her composure. ‘I’m sure this isn’t what you wanted to talk about,’ she said.

  Phaedra hesitated. ‘What makes you think I wanted to talk about anything in particular? I saw you across the field, that’s all.’

  Alicia smiled. ‘You saw me across the field and decided you’d suddenly start asking questions about how to attract a man’s attention, is that it?’ She gave a friendly laugh. ‘Do you have a young man?’

  ‘No,’ Phaedra said hastily and firmly.

  Alicia wasn’t convinced. She said nothing for a moment, a finger pressed thoughtfully to her lips. Phaedra could practically see her thinking. ‘It’s not Mr Basingstoke, is it?’ she asked, a hint of caution evident in her tone.

  Phaedra’s silence condemned her.

  ‘He’s a dangerous sort of man, I feel compelled to warn you,’ Alicia offered quietly.

  A cold knot formed in Phaedra’s stomach. Had she been naive enough to think his attentions were exclusive? ‘Has he made improper advances? If so, I shall dismiss him,’ Phaedra said with admirable calm.

  ‘No, it’s nothing like that,’ Alicia assured her. ‘It’s just that he’s such a handsome man with the devil’s own dose of charisma. It’s obvious he’s a complete rogue when it comes to women.’ Alicia paused before adding, ‘I’ve known men like him before. They’re absolutely charming, they make your insides melt and they make you promises they don’t intend to keep, only that’s not so clear at the time.’

  ‘I shall be sure he doesn’t interfere with any of the maids,’ Phaedra said stiffly, hoping her aloof demeanour would fool Alicia.

  Alicia persisted. ‘I don’t mean to dash your hopes, but I would think twice about getting involved with Mr Basingstoke. Truly, my dear, what do you know of him? Do you know where he’s from? Who his family is?’

  Phaedra shrugged. ‘It hardly matters, he’s only here for a short time.’

  Alicia smiled gently and took back the reins. ‘It’s best you remember that. I have to get back to young Crispin. I’ll have a groom look after Makepeace. Thank you for the walk, it was nice to have some company.’

  There was more Phaedra wanted to say as they parted. Alicia seemed like a good person to whom bad things had happened. She wanted to invite the young woman t
o the house for dinner, wanted to offer to give her riding lessons, but all of that was out of the question. ‘Alicia,’ Phaedra called out as she moved off with the gelding. ‘Thank you for your advice. I wish things could be different.’

  Alicia nodded. ‘I do too. Have a good evening.’

  It would have been wonderful to be able to look upon Alicia as a sister. She would have been able to if Jamie had lived. He would have brought Alicia home with great fanfare. Aunt Wilhelmina would have planned a grand party. Instead Alicia had been tucked away as an embarrassment. What would Jamie think of the way the family was treating his wife?

  Sometimes Phaedra wondered why Giles remained suspicious. Alicia was a decent human being, a good mother to her son. It was impossible to fathom why a thoughtful, lovely woman would be capable of such an enormous duplicity. To claim to be married to a future duke was an enormous lie to tell, one that could see her imprisoned or transported, perhaps even her child taken from her. Phaedra could not conceive of a reason someone would take such a risk.

  Other times, Phaedra wondered how Alicia knew so much of the world. She’d told Giles she’d been raised as a vicar’s daughter and that she’d found genteel employment as a lady’s companion. Those were not worldly positions and yet Alicia had seemed quite worldly today about the nature of men, as if she had personal experience with less than honourable gentlemen on more than one occasion. I’ve known men like him before. They’re absolutely charming, they make your insides melt and they make you promises they don’t intend to keep.

  The question was how did she know them? Surely Alicia didn’t classify Jamie among their number, which suggested this roguish calibre of men were men she’d known before. Again Phaedra was back to how. How did a discreet lady’s companion meet gentlemen of questionable repute and not only meet them but consort with them enough to know their true colours? It did make one wonder if Giles’s suspicions were not completely misplaced.